What we create with our words, before all else, is ourselves. The voice of consciousness that’s forever talking inside our head - that weird hybrid of monologue and dialogue that makes speaker and listener one - is the sculptor of the self. - Nicholas Carr
With every generation, there are overlaps in experiences that form bonds within that generation or age group. I was born in 1990. I remember having a “home” phone, I remember not having internet, and I remember having to wait until the next school day to ask my friends about the latest Nintendo 64 game. It’s funny, when you are in the midst of a technological age, you rarely look around and notice what you take for granted, and what you might not.
My relationship with technology really started to change when we got dial-up internet around 1998.
All of a sudden, I could watch music videos, look up Star Wars trivia, chat with friends online, and send emails to my relatives with a click of a button. My relationship with media, technology, and communication was subtly changing, and I did not realize it until much later.
As I got older, cell phones started to enter my social circles, and by the time I was 16, phone calls were replaced with 180-character text conversations. These started out as check-ins with my mom, but quickly transformed into a sun-up-to-sun-down activity with my friends. It was now possible to be reachable anywhere you went. You did not need a home phone, nor did you need to be sitting at a computer.
When smartphones entered the mix the next year, 2007, things seemed to gain even more momentum in the technology and communication realm. Now, you could call, text, email, and even browse the internet anywhere with cell coverage.
I think this is where technology’s relationship with our personal and work lives really started to get murky.
You no longer needed to wait for a fax, or wait to check your email at your desk. You could do a quick “check” of the email that would immediately put you into the work context, agnostic of your physical location.
As the 2010s spun madly on, social media moguls took over the minds of hundreds of millions of people. Most with a smartphone would honestly assess that they probably spent too much time on it. It was knee-jerk. A “bad” habit. But what is bad about this? The phone itself? I don’t think so. It’s what the phone now represents. It’s a mobile escape.
Humans are hard-coded to be conflict, pain, and danger averse. It’s how we survived throughout the earlier ages of humanity. We see a lion, we run. Fight-or-flight. We seek protection, shelter, safety. Our phone has become our saftey, our escape. And it seems like it’s getting easier to escape every year.
I don’t just mean physically escaping either, while you can pick up a phone and meander around your home, I feel the real escape, the more potentially harmful escape is what is happening in our minds.
Now, if you feel bored, you can pick up your phone and be jet-set away to a faraway land with millions of catered media served on a platter just for you. You don’t need to experience real life if you don’t want to. You can bury your head in your phone and tell yourself you are checking something for work, sending a quick text, or taking a few moments to just unwind.
These can be valid; however, I feel we have lost sight of what is most important in life.
Relationships. Human relationships. Forming them, working on them, seeking them.
Technology can certainly have a role in relationships, but it should be in a tool capacity. For example, phones can be a great way to check in on a friend or family member who lives hours or even days away.
A face-to-face conversation over FaceTime can be a powerful and rejuvenating thing.
My point here is not to replace technology, but to think about the role it plays in your life. Is it enhancing your life and happiness, or is it a tempting obstacle that hinders your fulfillment and causes anxiety?
This is a paradox. Technology has now advanced to a point that the convenience of communication has never been easier, and it will probably continue to get even easier. However, some friction is good.
It shows that you care, that another person is worth your full attention.
Now, you can talk on the phone while answering emails or organizing your taxes.
It’s harder to slow down. Harder than ever.
What were normal social norms in the 1990s and 2000s have become archaic and difficult. When was the last time you sat and spoke with someone in person for 15 minutes without a phone interrupting it? Have you tried having a conversation on the phone while sitting or even standing in the same place the entire time? With no media interruptions?
This discipline and restraint is healthy. It keeps us focused. Keeps our minds contextually in line with the person we are communicating with. This is how relationships are formed, maintained, and how they flourish.
Technology is a wonderful thing, and I am so grateful I have it. But I feel a great responsibility to be a healthy consumer of it.